The Best Part Of Flying Is Getting Off The Plane

Airplanes are great.  In a few short hours you can cross the world.  You can comfortably recline in your seat while you eat a hot meal and watch a new movie on your own personal television.

Have a special diet?  No problem!  Tell the airline and they’ll bring it to you.  It doesn’t matter if the smell is very strong and smells bad to other passengers.  You’ll get it early enough to ruin their appetite.

If you’re not very tall, you have plenty of leg room.  Except for those inconvenient times of take-off and landing, you can move your seat so much that you’re practically laying down.  If you recline it far enough, the person in the row behind you will have no choice but to massage your back with their knees.  What a relaxing way to travel!

Big people will probably be seated behind a considerate traveler who won’t put his seat back except when absolutely necessary.  These very nice people are the type who like traveling a lot, and sometimes they make websites where they write about it.  They understand that all it takes is for everyone to be considerate of others, and the trip is much more enjoyable.

Unfortunately, I was in the bad part of all these scenarios on the first day of this year.  I had an aisle seat with a lady next to me at the window.  I’m sure she usually showers, she just didn’t have time for the three weeks before this trip.  I bet she was training for a marathon and working up a good sweat every day.  It’s the only explanation for the smell.

Also, this lady didn’t like talking, she just liked sleeping.  I’m very glad she ordered a special vegetarian dish full of curry smells.  The stewardess happily left it on her tray while she was asleep.  This means I got to smell it for half an hour before my meal came (along with a very similar dish right across the aisle).

The short girl in front of me was oblivious to the fact that her seat wouldn’t go back any farther because my knees were holding it.  I’m glad she felt the desire to recline for 95% of the flight.  A warning about this should be said during the safety video.  Just be sure to put it before the part about the life jackets, that’s when everyone stops listening.

I didn’t have the heart to make the big German man behind me miserable, so I only reclined my seat for the 20 minutes of sleep that I got.  If the short girl in front of me had thought of this, I would’ve been able to go the whole time with my seat in the upright position.  If you’re short, you should never complain about it again.  Things on the top shelf aren’t that cool anyway.

There’s one more thing that I don’t understand about long flights.  They make you close your blind so that the sun won’t wake people up, but they say nothing about the little TV’s.  A guy a few rows ahead of me (across the aisle) had his on the whole time I was trying to sleep.  He was asleep, and it was just on the very, very bright menu screen.  Back in August, the British Air lady made me close my blind while I was eating dinner.  I guess it’s against British law to look out the window.

Please forgive my bitterness.  I wanted to tell the story of my trip back here, and I had nine or ten uncomfortable hours to think about this.  Maybe I should sell this writing to the airlines.  They could use it for advertising purposes.  Come to think of it, I probably could sell it to the train companies.  Why fly?  Sit in comfort!

Tomorrow, or the next day, or the next day, I’ll tell the happier, funnier parts of the journey.


Hungarian phrase of the day:

Ha nagy leszek, kisfiú akarok lenni.

–Joseph Heller amerikai író

Very exciting turn of events!  The teacher at my school who gives me Hungarian lessons lent me a book full of humorous quotes from famous people.  I’m going to share a lot of these – it’s my new, fun way to learn Hungarian!  This phrase means “When I grow up I want to be a little boy.” –Joseph Heller, American Writer.